When I discovered that I could be a lesbian, I went for it wholeheartedly. Up to that point, it hadn’t occurred to me that my crushes on girls and women were crushes. Once I noticed that kissing a woman was better than kissing a man, I made a quick and comprehensive transition from wife to girlfriend; from Gordon to Marsha.

I was nearly 40 when I came out and so had a lot of years to look back on when my friends and I got together to share the part of the coming out story that addresses: when did you know? The answers I heard ranged from being 7 years old and watching Annette Funicello on the Mickey Mouse Club through high school sleep-overs that turned into something more to my middle-aged story of feeling the thrum when I heard a moan in my own key.

I wonder if today’s young lesbians have their own “when did you know” moments? Did they always know? Did they ever have to deny their feelings or have they always felt free to be who they are? For them, is it Coming Out or Being Out?